Jones Soda Holiday Flavors Are Back!
Some rejoice, others remember the sensation of reguritated liquid ham or unpleasant aftertastes. However you celebrate it, Jones Soda has brought back their holiday flavor packs. They have ditched the Turkey and Gravy flavor in favor of tamer holiday spirits–Candy Cane, Pear Tree, and Mele Kalikimaka (a pineapple and coconut combo).
I ask Jones Soda, where is the challenge? Last year’s Chanukah pack invited us to guzzle salted Latka Soda, drink cheerfully carbonated Chocolate Coin Soda, and quaff super sweet Jelly Donut Soda. The Christmas pack tested our gag reflexes with Ham Soda, confused us with alcohol-free Eggnog Soda, and tantalized nostrils with pine air freshener-like Christmas Tree Soda. Jones Soda dissappoints me this year. The closest this holiday pack comes to possibly grossing people out is when they consider how urine-like the Mele Kalikimaka flavor is colored. Tut-tut.
Still, they may have disbanded the daring drinks for good cause. Jones Soda may be leaning toward more palatable drinks this year in order to ensure a larger fund for chosen charities. Last year they donated a portion of their proceeds from the sale of the Christmas Pack and Chanukah Pack to Toys for Tots and Vitamin Angels respectively. However, their website is eeriely silent in this regard. They note only that the sodas will be available at Targets nationwide. How…charitable?
Anyway, I won’t let the humdrum pack of conventional holiday cheer stop me from fondly recalling the nauseating concoctions of yesteryear. You too can experience them through these delightful Taste Tests the writers at The Onion lived through:
Taste Test: Jones Hanukkah Pack Sodas
Taste Test: Jones Christmas Pack Sodas
But, before you go…Try to guess which holiday soda evoked these exclaimations:
• “Oh, ugh, I’m already gagging, and I haven’t even tried it.”
• [Instant spit-take into trash can.] “Oh jeez, I couldn’t swallow that, it’s that bad. Gross. I do shots at bars all the time, but I couldn’t choke that down.” [Coughing.]
• “Ohhhhhhhhh, that’s bad.”
• “It doesn’t smell like anything, but it tastes like wet cardboard.”
• “It just tastes like bad antacid.”
• “I felt my throat closing as soon as I put it in my mouth.”
• “It’s like that juice that sits at the bottom of a bag full of rotting potatoes.”
• “Oh, it’s not very pleasant coming back up, either.”
May your holidays be joyful, whatever drinks you swig.
December 2, 2008
Tags: food event, innovation Posted in: Fun Food Facts
2 Responses
Heh, I still have an unopened 5-soda holiday pack from at least 2-3 years ago. I believe the included flavors are Turkey and Gravy, Stuffing, Cranberry (actually sounds palatable), green bean, and pumpkin pie. I wonder if the years of aging have helped them to develop a more balanced flavor?
Regardless, I’ve can’t say I’ve ever been tempted to try them. I’ll stick to acquiring vintage 6-packs of Pepsi Kona, thank you very much.
I just looked up what Pepsi Kona was, and was surprised to see how many varieties of Pepsi have existed at one time or another. I wish I could have tried Pepsi Blue Hawaiian: “A Limited Edition Pepsi released in Japan. A pineapple and lemon flavored soda, blue in color.” Sounds tart and exciting. How could blue food not be exciting? Wikipedia also tells me that Pepsi is so phenomenal that it inspires fictional varieties of itself. This one though…”Pepsi free a vitamin-enriched cola sold in 2015 in the 1989 film Back to the Future Part ii”. Diet Coke Plus (introduced in 2007) is exactly that.
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